Admitting When You Are Wrong

I have always been remarkably stubborn, all my life. This is why I now look back at parts of my life and completely scratch my head. I knew that everything had to be one way and one way only, I didn’t give up easy and when I knew I was right that was it. I still struggle occasionally trying to make sense of the times that I let that stubbornness go, I only now see that I was still being stubborn it just wasn’t in the way I should have been.

 As I head to a new journey in my life that unlike before I am actually right! The last time I began a journey as a wife I was wrong, all wrong but I could never admit it, nor could I let the naysayers win, ever. I was determined to make a “perfect” life no matter what because unlike before I wasn’t going to admit defeat. I was “right” for almost 10 years; I didn’t give in no matter what. It wasn’t until one night that I realized something had to give. I needed to admit that I was wrong, because indeed I was. I was wrong about a lot, accepting apologies, putting on a smile, saying it would be ok, not deserving better and most of all believing lies. 

The words “it will never happen again” seem sincere enough and perhaps at the time they are but in my case, as so many others it just isn’t true. So those words rang through my head one night as I held my son in our living room. The officer had to repeat himself before my already tear swollen face welled up again, trying to hold back more, “Has this happened before?” still trying to process the situation and all that had happened I managed to utter “yes”. The officer shook his head, “What are you waiting for, him to kill you?” I managed to answer “No” and the officer replied “You got lucky tonight, end of story. What about your son?” Shaking and crying I admit I need help, I have no one and don’t know what to do. As much as I had resisted it was time to admit that I was wrong. I believed in someone who stole my trust, daily.

The "Escape"

As I was driving yesterday I saw a Ford Escape and it brought back a memory of one of the greatest decisions of my life. I now find it completely ironic that the rental car I secured that day was indeed a Ford Escape, because in my eyes that is exactly what I was doing. I was escaping a life that was suppressing me in so many ways and went in search of something better.

I packed that Escape to the max put my son in the front seat, the only room left, and headed west. I feel like every place I had been yet in my life was no comparison to where it was going and in my heart I knew right where I was supposed to be. I was scared of the unknown but knew without a doubt that anything was better than what I was leaving behind.

Since that day I have changed in ways I never thought, battled myself and others and then finally realized that changing my location was just the first step in moving on with my life. I had work to do! I had the determination and desire to make a better life and I am still working, only with a different outlook than ever before and trusting like I never thought I would.

My story of the days before my "Escape" will follow and for anyone who has ever feared, ever doubted their strength to overcome stay tuned!

~W

The Beginning of our Great Adventure