THE Break-up

Break-up’s are hard. I know I’m stating the most obvious thing in the world and it really doesn’t matter what type of break-up it is. It could be a break-up of a three-year relationship, that blackberry you have been clutching to or the job you thought you loved till you got a pink slip. I know you probably think and maybe even hope that I am going to speak about “the” break up but not today now isn’t the time for that. Instead I am going to refer to a brief mention I made in a previous post a few days ago of my hiatus which is a break-up kids, lets just face it. Speaking of facing something that’s it, Facebook, we are through! Whew, I said it and I feel even better than I have in the past week.

Calm down, I can hear you all from here! I am fine; I have not completely lost it, yet. I have a lot of reasons for breaking up with Facebook and when I say a lot I mean a LOT!!! And I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times this week I have picked up my phone to scroll through my news feed to see what my friends and family are up to and to see nothingness. At first it was like my phone simply became meaningless and useless. This also meant it was time for some serious self-evaluation. Had it really been that long since I was truly alone with my own thoughts? Not that I am a person with a lot of down time frankly I hardly have any time for myself but it’s those 30 seconds while waiting on the microwave or the 5 minutes in the carpool lane that I can feel slightly connected to my family or friends back home. Sometimes it is the positive quote that I needed to see that day or the ranting’s of another mom that make me feel like I am not alone, comforted almost.

But I saw a pattern over the past few months that were developing and it was a little like being bipolar if one could guess what that feels like. Scrolling through my news feed would be joys for a triumph of a friend and then anger or frustration over the antics of another. I came to the conclusion at that time to start hiding those who seemed to always be ranting about something or couldn’t find a filter. Let’s face it as much as I will post something on your status update to help move you along and inspire you I can’t keep getting run over by the same horse. As time went by I slowly kept at it hiding and even “un-friending” a few to help isolate the negative. Then it seemed the dust was starting to settle a little and I took a little vacation, what relief! Of course who goes without something as important as Facebook on vacation? What would we do without sharing the great pictures and talking about the great adventures and of course that we were still alive after an earthquake?

There is always the straw that breaks the camels back, in this case it was a chain of events that led to the break-up.

Number one, my bitchy ex-girlfriends, I know what you are thinking, I just got married. Yes, read it again. Those catty bitches that can’t play nice or act like adults, those girls I used to call my friends. Ladies, read this next sentence carefully and take head! Facebook is not an online 3^rd grade school playground meant for you to learn about social awareness. If lessons are needed please reply and I will be happy to address this at a later date, seriously! You may not friend and un-friend because someone hurt your feelings or tag a million people in your post to get someone else’s attention. And you can’t keep doing things to get a boys attention you just look desperate.

Number two, not everything is meant to be on Facebook. I mean this and most of you don’t know who you are but you are over sharers. I don’t need to know your every thought and I sure don’t want to see every selfie in your bathroom mirror, stop it!

Number three, stalkers! I am not talking about the killer type although honestly I don’t prefer those either but I am talking about the friend of the person you have blocked for a reason who is stalking you. They may not even “know” that’s what they are doing but they are and I have people blocked for a reason, THEY DON'T BELONG. And privacy settings people!!! I have clients who have literally told me they knew everything about the homebuyer or seller from Facebook. Protect yourselves from strangers who could be looking for something more than wanting to know if someone nice is buying their house.

Number four, which should now be number one I have a whole new and less distracted life! Let’s face it Facebook becomes a habit and even when you don’t realize it you pick up your phone and you are scrolling through your newsfeed instead of talking to someone. How effective is that communication style? For me personally and professionally I can tell you it was killing me.

Number five, I saw it on Facebook! You know it’s like a game of telephone when we were little only amplified. If one person sees it and they call another etc. everything just spreads like wildfire. One little non-descript post could take you down! If you work with the public or have children please keep this in mind.

Do I miss it? In a nutshell, yes. I missed out that my forever bachelor cousin got engaged, which is awesome! I was last to know that my sisters dog got hit by a car, that was sad but she is going to be okay. I feel a little less connected and feel like my business might suffer but this is definitely the best decision for me right now. This is a great time for me to take a break and think about what I really want out of life, I am sure it isn’t spending the next 10 minutes mindlessly scrolling through my news feed before getting back to work.

PSA. Some of you also need to get a grip! If you have a joint Facebook account GROW UP! Facebook did not create cheating spouses nor stage 5-clingers merely gave them a more finite avenue in which to pursue such things. If you are or have a cheating spouse or stage 5-clinger figure out how to recognize and run appropriately.

Peace

Making it legal...

It’s not like I haven’t done this before lets be perfectly honest here. I have changed my name a time or maybe even two but it seems that this time around has been a lot more difficult! You know men never have to lift a finger when it comes to getting married or changing their names they just show up and say I do. Us ladies on the other hand have to run a marathon from the day we say yes till at least a few years down the road when we still are tossing the mail from the mailbox thinking to ourselves if they don’t know by now it isn’t important.

The last time I changed my name it was rather simple I showed proof of my name change, in this case my divorce papers and bam everything with the exception of my work assigned email was updated. Sure there were a few loose ends here and there that took a little work and the ones that I really didn’t care about but this time around I really have my work cut out for me. Ladies, really think about this name change business before you lovingly accept to take your husbands last name. I say this in all sincerity, really! This statement comes from my heart because I not only WANT this last name out of love but also because I am getting a super awesome and frankly REAL last name not one that people often confuse for my first name all of the time. Yippee!!!!  With that being said my head still hurts from all of the lists I am continuing to work through to get my name changed not only for personal use but in my professional life as well.

I did ask for help in this matter and thank goodness there are some very helpful resources out there or I may have really been lost. I didn’t however consider that when you have an established career that is splashed from print to the web this could be such a “mess” to clean up but we will get to that later. The obvious first step in actually changing your name would be to file your marriage license so you can say you are married and officially have a new name, right. The tough part is over, you made it down the aisle you survived the stress of the big day, nothing happened to the important piece of paper during that awesome party, good job! Now, don’t run to the office next door to change your driver’s license like an idiot (me) that’s not the “proper” order. The social security office controls everything you see and you must go there first and then wait 24 hours before showing up at the dreaded DMV to make the proper change there. So now you are pretty proud of yourself aren’t you? Plan on traveling after your wedding? Hope you didn’t do any of those if you leave the country or you thought ahead and applied for a new passport with your new name in advance. If not you get to stay, sorry.

Please consider the following items when changing your name, insurance, all of them, doctors, all of them, bills, all of those too! What about professional licenses, business cards, email addresses, post office, bank accounts, credit cards, utility company, mortgage company, beneficiary and wills and other legal documents need to be updated as well. For me personally I will have all of these plus several professional organizations, licensing boards, print and social media outlets that will have to update all of my information. I look forward to the day that I will receive mail in only one name! It truly is the little things in life, I keep saying it and it’s true! Good luck ladies!

So, I've been thinking...

Lucky for most of my friends they will never see this! Seems that something has been rapidly changing inside of me lately, no I'm not expecting. It seems I have become very self aware and several events and changes have taken a course of action that have lead me to a place of revelation so to speak. I thought at first perhaps it was my over reaction, or that I was just losing it, frankly I was starting to get a little concerned a few days ago, really! But I have come to the conclusion, sad but true...all of my friends are crazy!

Now, I don't mean ALL of them but the bulk of them and the close ones that I would call good. This left me wondering how this had happened and what that meant for me. As I evaluated my lonely state and the actions of said crazy friends I thought to myself when did I ever think these actions were okay? Then it dawned on me, I thought these actions were okay or excusable when I was crazy or at least not in the frame of mind I find myself in these days. I call bullshit a lot more often, tell people to get over it. And though I have compassion like no other I will let them know where the buck stops. I mean we all must know at some point in time as adults how to act like one and make the correct and appropriate choices. I am not saying that I can't be your friend because you can't act like an adult occasionally, we ALL make mistakes but when we are calculated masterminds of how we can manipulate others and it becomes a vicious cycle and constant train wreck, no!

This is where this week has come to a head. I have found that surrounding myself by the crazy was no longer not only unhealthy but unacceptable and I would not allow myself to tolerate it in any form. Step number one was taking a hiatus from Facebook, which has been tough but also a huge relief. I miss by normal friends and my family that are far away but the time that I have back every day is amazing! Step number two was deciding to take a couple of days for myself, which I have NEVER done before and I must say I feel amazing! Step three was using that time to really clear my mind and think about what I need and where I want to go from here. I got a lot of work done! I obviously decided no more crazy friends and well maybe I will figure out how to make a few new ones along the way to pursuing the things that truly make me happy.

Peace